- i eat jello cups
- amygdala jokes
- arm veins
- i wanted to breathe smoke
- nuclear warhead
- dear jerkface – $1.00
- giant areolas
- wah wah weh wah
- signs of a crackhead
- spacesuit urine catheter
- chipmunk amygdala
This was ripped from Neatorama, but it’s so typical of the crap we see that I just had to share:
In Hayden Idaho, a man in his mid 20’s whose name was withheld, who believed he bore the “mark of the beast” amputated one of his hands with a circular saw, then cooked it in the microwave then called 911.
According to sheriff’s Capt. Ben Wolfinger the man, was calm when he arrived at his northern Idaho town. “It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived,” Wolfinger said. “He put a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn’t bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad.”
Mind you, I’ll take a psychiatric call any day over a cardiac call. I loves me some crazy people.
From Notes of a Paramedic:
People in Atrial Fibrillation shouldn’t have their blood pressure taken with an automatic cuff because missed beats will cause the pressure to read lower. Even when you take it manually, you have to lower the pressure very slowly.
One of the most embarrassing things [for me] is the discovery that you’ve been incorrectly using a word for quite some time. As in 10 years. 10 years of sounding like an idiot. 10 years of no one saying anything and just quietly making fun of you inside their head. [Or 10 years of not being around anyone who noticed or who knew the correct definition of the word in the first place.]
Proverbial? It does not have a meaning similar to colloquial. All this time I’ve been using the two words interchangeably. Aaargh! It’s like coming home after a day at work/school and discovering that you’ve had a pen mark on your face for the past 10 hours.
Flight nurse Chris Fogg was transporting a patient on June 27th when the plane window exploded. The twin-engine piper turboprop was cruising at 20,000 feet at the time! Fogg was sucked halfway out the window, with only his legs and one arm inside the plane. He managed to hold one while the pilot dived to a lower altitude to stabilize the cabin pressure, then pulled himself back into the plane. Uninjured, Fogg flew again the next day.
Entirely ripped from Neatorama.
- What would John Wayne do? If zombie John Wayne would rise from the ground just to look at your ink would you be scared to show him? If so, don’t do it.
- Would you kick your own ass in 10 years? Before you get the ink of your dreams think about where you will be in 10 years time. I don’t mean in this in a professional sense, but in a “will the triforce be cool to me when I’m 35?” sort of way.
- Can you afford it? Never ever skimp on food, drink, or tattoos. If you can’t afford the ink that you really want don’t settle. One of the worst trends in Chicago right now is unfinished tattoos. Don’t be that guy.
“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”
Glanced at [tmbo] for the first time in a bit today after seeing quite a few ticks on the referral list. Checked out the overall Hall of Fame list and was surprised to see one of my posts still on there. Then I made it down into the 40’s: it’s a sad thing when you can just look at the title and know that it’s a repost.
“[HUGE SCROLLER] What the World Eats.jpg” posted 1 week ago? Good lord. Things never change.
My mom was adorable. IS adorable.
Lost 3 pounds in 2 days. Excessive vomiting burns a lot of calories.
Does anyone else always feel like a complete idiot when leaving a voice mail? I left one on HQ’s main office machine a few minutes ago and hung up feeling like a dumbass.
“Hi, this is PJ. I’m scheduled to work tonight at around, uh, 5:30. But I won’t be coming in tonight because I’m still feeling under the weather.
… So… uh, … that’s it…. *click*”
I remember once in Budapest me and our merry companions asked bartender “can you send our table some white russians” .. he went back behind a counter and started making phonecalls (we still waiting for our whiterussian drinks) ..took really long, and after 20min he walked to our table with 3 Belarussian whores. Damn we laughed nonstop like 30min .. and sent the bitches away without paying. Best misconception ever.
Around the left wrist, just under where my watch would be, and written in some pretty script.
Правда, какой бы она ни была.
правда всегда одна.
The problem with American capitalism is the trend to have more pride in one’s income rather than the product. But then, that’s what happens when companies are run by those with no connection or interest in the product line.
The involuntary act of hitting the brakes after seeing a cop regardless of whether you’re speeding or not.
The moment I decided that Angels in America is one of the most brilliantly written plays I’ve ever come across was when Ethel Rosenburg’s ghost dialed for an ambulance and stopped to remark on how touch-tone phones “sing” when you dial them.
You know it’s time to clean your desk when it takes you a few tries to find the right soda can. Leads to more than a few gross experiences.
Paris Hilton’s Blackberry was hacked last night, so this morning all over her personal notes, photos, and contacts were posted on the internet. Tons of celebrity numbers and emails.
Pauly Shore’s voicemail was entertaining. And I didn’t imagine that anyone would be stupid enough to still answer the phone, but Andy Roddick was. Had no idea who he was, but fucking A! I talked to Andy Roddick! … his mouth was full of food. AND I TALKED TO HIM.
The act or habit of esteeming or describing something as worthless, or making something to be worthless by said means.